They say it all the time; "enjoy all the moments, they fly by." I look at this photo of my young man, no longer a boy, and I am filled with emotion.
Where did that time go, and why so fast? And what I wish more then anything was to not have missed so many little moments. I picked through many photos to find ones that drew my heart back to these little moments, the memories that made me smile and the times you'd try so hard to make me laugh. Landen, always a goofball.
I'd like to be vulnerable here. I was a single mom for 7 years before I met my wonderful husband, whom I thank God for. Josh has been incredible in both our lives, helping shape Landen and myself. I'd like to back track to those years that I wished I could do different. I know everyone says I did great, I did the best I could; I did, but...
I screamed. I screamed a lot. I screamed so much that our dog Bella was conditioned only to respond to yelling. How sad that makes me. I remember Landen coming into the bathroom at times, 3 years old, just to be with me and I would flip out so he could give me space. I didn't savor his littleness. I was stressed, all the time. Working just to make a life for ourselves. No one came home at the end of the day to help. There was no functionality. Thank GOD for my parents who often invested in him and me. I can't imagine those mothers who do it alone without the support of their family. I wish with all my heart I didn't get so hung up on EVERY LITTLE THING, that I would have let him snuggle with me in bed, that I would've played cars with him, or wrestled with him more, laughed more, played more.
What I wish Landen, for you and I, are building memories I didn't make with you when you were a wee little one. To take you out and focus on you. To be intentional about building you up, believing in you, and watching you flourish in life. I will never be a perfect mom, no mom is, but I promise to always be your #1 fan, to help you accomplish whatever you want to do in life; for a moment or for a lifetime. I believe in your dreams and talents. I believe you are smart and very funny. I believe God has a purpose for your life, He planned you and designed you specifically for a special purpose.
I love you, I have loved watching you grow. As I collaborated this slideshow tears fill up my eyes as you are no longer a little boy. My how that time just passed. The picture of me snuggling you in my arms, this teeny tiny little boy...that melts me. Did I say that I love you? So very very much.